One of the most frustrating things about transness is integrating with others. Deep down, no matter what you say or do, however you present yourself, if you identify in one of the 2 mainstream genders and find yourself surrounded by those who were handed their identities at birth, as long as people know what's between your legs (which they often infer whether you like it or not) you're othered from them. Efforts to posit yourself like you have the same biological gift are praised, but make no real difference with how the cisgendered think of you. God forbid you've willingly removed yourself from those categories- there is no real winning in this performance.
Over time, the transgender community developed a concept of "passing"- something akin to a points system based on how much you can resemble Adam or Eve. If you don't "pass"- look enough like a biological woman or man- you face societal consequences. Because of this, many transgender people are hellbent over other people's perceptions of them (despite the fact they themselves can't control them) and how much they pass. It infects every corner of the brain like an illness, forcing the transgender to overthink every aspect of their being.
I know this, of course, because I am myself transgender. I've interacted with other transgender people who inhibit these worries, and of course have myself inhibited them. This is a story about the toll of trying to pass takes on a trans person's mind, and the pain of realizing that you will never truly be seen as the other.
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